Leaving point A, I picked up my iPhone and, smiling confidently, hit a button that would show me map routes and addresses. Instead it showed me a white screen and made a noise like gerbils having carnal knowledge.
"Er?" I grunted.
Still showing white. Now silent. Gerbil lust apparently spent.
"Whuh?" I grunted. I shook phone. No response. I tried to reboot. Pressing the power button did nothing.
Fortunately I hadn't really needed the map to find point B, though I had spent the forty minutes mapping out routes using the iPhone's features, well, because I could. So I found point B by just driving there using only my brain all by itself. Cursing, though, the whole way, because now how was I going to find point D, an Apple store to fix the thing, when I didn't have an iPhone to tell me where one was and how to get there.
Point C, the Secretary of State office, likewise was problematic since I had no idea where it was and couldn't recall the map instructions. I checked the iPhone again.
It was now functioning perfectly, smiling at me and wagging it's tail like a puppy that's just crapped on the rug. Little bastard. But thank God.
So I followed the map's explicit instructions across town, turning here, avoiding traffic there, and my iPhone led me precisely to where the Secretary of State's office wasn't.
Never had been. I asked a lady.
"Nope," she said. Nothing like that 'round here."
"it should be," I said, studying the map I had spent all morning making, "right... about... where you are standing."
"This is a church," she said.
"Yes," I said. "I see a steeple."
"Welp. Good luck."
"Yes. Thank you."
I did not make it to the Secretary of State's office yesterday. Today, I looked up the location of one near me using The Yellow Pages. I arrived to find that this one actually existed in MY time/space continuum.
But it was closed for Veterans Day.
1 comments:
I think you have another song in the making: Gerbil Lust.
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